Sometimes life throws you lessons time after time again and you fail to see it. Then one day, it dawns on you like it's been clear all along, it smacks you in the face, and you just know something has to be done. And life's kinda in the corner like "come on man, I've been trying to show you that for YEARS!" Sarcastically rolling its eyes.
I had a moment like that recently. I've always been the kind of person who just wants to please others, doing what they ask or helping them out more then I should. I don't know why.. Is it because I want them to like me? To not rock the boat? Just because I'm too giving at times? I've realized I get nothing from these relationships, in fact I resent the person on the other end.. All while I am STILL doing things for them, or putting all the effort in with no effort on the other end.
One sided relationships. The most toxic sort of relationship.
I tend to find myself in those sort of friendships.
And I always held on to them because, having few friends, any friendship was important to me. Being a stay at home mom, friendships seem to be a hard thing to obtain... mainly because I'm not out at work or school, those adult connections are slightly harder to make. I think other SAHMs will understand, that when you meet another SAHM.. you just become friends. Your main job is caring for your children, and to meet another person who has the same rewarding job, thats your connection. You understand that person and they understand you.
But, that doesn't mean you should put up with friendships that drain you. And when they start to drain your energy or time or resources... By all means.. Get out! You don't need that friendship for the sake of having that person as a friend.
So, what I am learning is to hold out for those friends who want to uplift you, who won't judge you, who understand you, and who want to put in the same effort that you do to the friendship.
Why did it take me 23 years to understand this?